English Groupies - Detection Methods (part 2)

A useful technique is to try and detect potential English Groupies before they do something you both regret and you're down one student. Of course, any one of these events witnessed in student behavior, probably doesn't constitute a groupie but two or more is definitely a strong sign. Again, I used the question... 'Would I be comfortable doing this with a man' in drawing up all of these detection methods and yes, I've experienced them all.

1. The umbrella switcheroo - This one caught me out this week. I met a student and light rain was in the air. She asked me to hold her umbrella whilst she looked for something in her bag. Now, an umbrella gives you pretty small walking space and two people sharing one definitely have to get close. In my situation, as soon as she had finished messing with her bag, she linked with my arm. All of a sudden I'm walking down the street holding arms with my student; she got me good and proper with this technique.

2. The poorly lit bar with sofas - Have you ever had a student that sometimes recommends having lessons in a 'nice place' they know? When you arrive it turns out to be this poorly lit beer and coffee joint, with few people and only sofas. Inevitably, you'll have to sit on the same sofa as your student, for one reason or another, although a common one is so they can 'hear' properly - yeah right! 

This kind of lesson is just begging for personal space to be violated, especially because modern sofas seem to be designed so whoever is sat on them slowly slides together into the middle.

My advice is NEVER EVER let a student pick the location of a lesson especially if you don't know it. Pick a bright and breezy Starbucks with lots of windows and customers. That should dissuade any unwanted advances but if you do find yourself where I've described, make a note on your mental 'possible groupie' list. 

3. Going for walks - Never ever let your student recommend you have lessons whilst walking around somewhere nice. I know some teachers recommend such activities for enhancing the learning experience however, all teachers should also know, it's the perfect opportunity to share 'intimate' time as well. I mean come on, for the student it practically feels like a date if they want it to be. 

4. Liking everything in your life on FB - I used to think that 'friending' my students on FB would be a good way for them to see my wife and my generally happy life and set the boundaries without really talking about them. Wrong! I suspect it gives groupies opportunities to pine over your pictures and reply or like every other update you make. If you have a student that replies to everything you FB or brings up every aspect of your personal life (that you posted on FB) in lesson and if lines like this are common:

Student 'oh wow I saw on FB that you have a dog! I love dogs! I always say I prefer dog owners to cat owners...'

then make another mental note....

5. Never drink alcohol with suspected groupies - Self explanatory but worthwhile to remind ourselves that alcohol gives everyone the ability to say and do things that they regret. It has the added bonus for the groupie that they can always mentally bargain with themselves that they only acted that way because of the alcohol. 

The end result with alcohol is almost certain - something embarrassing happens, student never turns up for lessons again ipso facto you are poorer

6.Be careful of Ice cream, cherries and sweet liquids in general - Numerous times I've been involved with either ice cream, cherries or whipped cream in situations with students I would definitely not do with bloke friends.

For example - having lessons whilst eating cherries.. is it me or is it impossible to not have a sexy atmosphere whilst eating cherries? 100% I wouldn't sit alone with man eating cherries or am I over reacting here?

as for ice cream and whipped cream, if it's splashed all around their face and they look like a novelty clown, the student/potential groupie is just waiting for you reach over uncomfortably and clear it away for them. Don't fall for the trap! let them sit there like some sticky disaster.

So I've managed to come up with 6 ideas for potential English groupie detection methods, now I'm positive other English teachers have had the same experiences. what traps did you fall for? What techniques did your groupies use?